“STOP TELLING ME TO BE POSITIVE”
I would secretly and not to secretly scream at my phone, laptop or person every time they said it during my cancer experience.
Of course I WANT to be positive but I can’t f-ing make myself when I feel so angry.
Over time, after talking therapies (of which I’m also trained in – imagine how easy it was for THOSE therapists with miss judgy pants over here) were exhausted with some impact, and body therapies helped but still didn’t remove the anger…I started to look into another way to function and to think.
Self compassion became my go to; the books, the thinking, the way to process stuff; a theory and a practice.
I was ready to face the fact that the ‘be positive’ brigade had something right.
BUT, importantly, I had to find a way to articulate that the WAY it was usually talked about or done to me (because that’s what it used to feel like) was completely wrong.
They made it sound like I should brush my difficulties aside, pretend I wasn’t anxious, scared or angry, show up positively no matter that I didn’t feel it, pile icing on shit (is that the phrase? Who cares – it works)
And I always felt like that’s pointless.
Instead, finding and cultivating self-compassion – something that helps us to feel positive, sure – was about finding a version of acceptance of exactly where I was.
It was to stop beating myself up about how far forward I thought I should be
It was to finally relinquish an overwhelming need to control everything.
SO THAT I
felt clearer minded
Could be far more objective than being totally IN my head all the time
Could make rational decisions with more ease
Felt less overwhelmed EVEN THOUGH there was just as much to think about and do
Which all meant that I:
Made plans to do the best things for me (like leave my NHS job without worrying about the bloody pension that I would benefit from in 35 years FFS)
Give myself space and time to properly heal and start working and living in a way that really helped me lean into post cancer life.
Which all led to my coaching diploma, my coaching practice, working with business owners ‘escaping’ the hold of corporate life after a big life change
Which further led to led me implementing the best mix of my psychology and coaching expertise to support, build and grow self-compassionate business minds and businesses that thrive for the longer term.
This makes me incredibly positive!
SO HOW DOES THIS MAKE YOU MORE PRODUCTIVE AND MORE PROFIT?
By its logical (and non empirically tested but still anecdotally evidence-based finding – as I can attest to many clients experiencing this too) extension you can probably tell how.
Self compassion makes you more productive because you too:
- STOP beating yourself up about all the things you want to do but don’t have time to
- RELEASE all the stuff, projects and even people who are not useful to you right now (kindly, obviously, but also – you now easily remove yourself from that networking group you find really annoying, stop paying for the membership you’re holding onto just in case, that kind of thing)
- Have CONFIDENCE that you don’t have to be damn positive EVERY day of your business, you’re resilient to weather the hard days (because they happen and you’re OK with that) and therefore really enjoy the good and amazing days in abundance too, making you more able to focus and less worried when there’s a dip
- FOCUS on the work and business outcome you really want and decide that’s all you’re going to do
- ACKNOWLEDGE failure, be OK with it, get past it quicker, move forward with confidence from it
- STOP overthinking past decisions you’ve made that you wish you hadn’t, and others you didn’t that you wished you had
- REMOVE guilt that you haven’t done or earnt enough that day, month or year
- FEEL more at ease with your progression therefore more able to plough your attention into this more focused area
- FIND that you can settle into your work every day with more ease and flow in your thinking
- You no longer flit between tabs, phone, zoom meetings, coffees, distractions because you’re at ease and happy with the task, project, person you’re focusing on in the moment
- You feel NATURALLY, and EASILY positive MOST of the time because you’re in acceptance of how you’re thinking about, running and growing the business you’re really proud of
SO HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU MORE PROFIT?
By its logical (and non empirically tested but still anecdotally evidence-based finding – as I can attest to many clients experiencing this too) extension you can probably also tell how.
Self compassion makes you more profit because you too:
- In your focus, become more able to WEED OUT the dead work, projects and people that are weighing you down and not bringing you profit or joy
- Find MORE TIME to review your business outgoings and income and notice quicker where you focus should be – for profit AND joy
- Find it EASIER TO SAY NO to the extra stuff you thought was so important not that long ago
- Realise you can GROW YOUR BUSINESS in the way you need that suits your values, personality and requirements by actually doing less (and earning more)
- Acknowledge the MASSIVE WINS you’ve genuinely had in the past – for yourself and clients – and feel more able to take them on board, be proud of them, show them off to bring you other excellent clients again and again
- BELIEVE IN YOURSELF so much more to carry you through harder days, acknowledging they do damn well happen but you have every internal strength you need to weather them, so that you still show up as needed and make the profit you deserve
- Your self-esteem is no longer tied to every damn thing you do in your business and thus you SPEND LESS TIME over thinking or worrying something isn’t working and rather spend efficient attention and time on working hard in the best areas for your business and you to thrive, continuing to make more profit
- You’re SPENDING LESS MONEY ALL OVER THE PLACE because you’re no longer hanging out in a membership that drags you down, you don’t need the massive team around you (at least so many of them) which is overwhelming rather than helpful, because you’re focusing on less AND you invest really efficiently for the continual growth and income and profit for the longer term
- You RAISE YOUR PRICES CONTINUALLY – over months and year – as your mindset and outcomes continue to support the evidence that you should with absolute ease; no guilt and total confidence that this is your calling and your clients continue to love the work you do
- You LOVE the internal peace you feel within yourself and your business now, which allows you to be in flow when you ‘perform’ in your work, again supporting you to make growing profit for the longer term
- You LOVE your work again, because you’ve made it so much easier TO work, run and grow your business and all the cogs work together again, just how you imagined it should when you set it up
If you’d like to know exactly HOW self compassion can be implemented in your business directly I would love to show you. I write about this for excellent coaches and service providers on my email list weekly and would be delighted to have you on board.