An issue in the coaching, and marketing of coaching, world is the idea that there’s one way to do things for success.
There’s not – which you know already – but the problem is – we’re always slightly tempted by ‘it’.
And yet, on the flip side of the temptation is this overriding feeling that we’re different. We’re unique. We don’t need that one way. We’ll find our own way, thank you very much.
I’m not like the others, the crowds, the sheep.
And you’re right, you’re not a sheep and don’t like to, nor usually, follow ‘the’ way.
Perhaps even noticing that doing so was what led you to feel stifled and restrained when you did in your previous employed life or ‘before entrepreneurship’ life, whatever it looked like.
You’re not going back there. You’re known to be a rebel and it suits you and what you need – freedom, flow and finding your own way.
But you also see and feel it’s chaotic at times right? It’s confusing and you’re probably not as efficient as you could be. But it doesn’t feel real unless you’re doing it in YOUR way.
Personally I feel this sooo much.
I could never take someone else’s working out and just go with it. It’s like trying to add or do sums from someone else’s spreadsheet – I’m sorry but what do those colours mean and where’s the 6 other columns I’d have used to get to the same or better answer huh, huh?
So off we go into entrepreneurship to find our path. Create your future dun da da daa.
Only we’re thrown all sorts of plans and processes and ways to do entrepreneurship and it’s overwhelming and loud and we’ve got no idea which ones to listen to or take on board.
But we trust ourselves that being different and not doing things conventionally is exactly what we should be listening to now, so we don’t listen to any of them, really (because we still listen with one ear and eye open – we’re just also trying to ignore them).
And in this process we lose ourselves and our direction.
We’re so focused on doing it our own way, and batting away the guides and processes and steps, that we don’t notice when good ones come our way.
When ones that would really, really help us, ARE right in front of us. When people who would suit US right now are there, but we need to do it differently.
I’ll move this directly into a coach analogy, because you’ve probably felt or experienced it yourself.
There’s something about being a coach and the adage ‘every coach needs a coach’ that makes a lot of sense but just feels…cheesy? It feels like a marketing message. It feels like a way to keep the industry insular. It feels like a thing coaches that coach coaches just say.
I don’t think it’s wrong. It’s true in many ways, and not true in others – for certain parts of our business journey, for example, or even more true and needed for some coaches over others.
But the adage doesn’t help when you’re someone (a coach, in this example) that ALSO feels it’s just a cliche. And it’s just there because it helps the industry. And so on.
And yet, there are times when great coaches ARE present, around us, but we’re so bogged down in what the industry can be like, and how it may NOT have helped us at times, AND how we don’t want another set of noises, processes, and ‘one way’ to detract us. Because we’re different to that. We don’t need a coach just because it’s what you’re meant to do – we’re better than that.
Equally, there’s times when great processes, steps and directions to take are also present but we don’t need another damn process – especially because, with that one eye and ear, we ended up following quite a few pieces of advice and guidance but half-heartedly and without any focus and without really wanting to because, you know, we’re unique and not like the others.
What would it mean if we didn’t battle the ‘not like the others’ identity? If we could come round to the feeling that using techniques, methods and processes that work (and suit us) would also make things easier and have greater impact than us refusing to do anything by-the-book?
The distinction we need to make is knowing that the by-the-book processes can still be made unique by us.
We can still play around with that model, process, or plan and make it work for us. We can still test it out and work out which bits suit us – and ultimately our clients and overall business outcomes.
Because we’re cutting off our nose to spite our face if we’re trying to always re-invent, re-create and re-new everything.
The other thing to note is ensuring that we’re authentic and unique in what we want to say and do.
If that happens to be like someone else then we can allow that to happen. We don’t mold and shape ourselves ON someone, but we can find people who’s message and style we resonate with so they can even then help or support us bring that part out of ourselves too – NOT so we become a cookie cutter coach with nothing of our own to say (or our own unique process for something, either!)
This realisation will also see you go deeper into why you may be triggered by others’ success.
Others may have followed a process, a step by step, a guide, a guru more closely than you and sometimes they’ve also gotten wild results. You focus on THEM to your detriment, because you were never going to do it that way. So whilst not comparing apples with oranges still stands as great advice, I want you to take it even further, and see that you’re trying to compare apples with cars. They’re in completely different camps – not better or worse, just totally different and it’s ludicrous to expect the same results, from such different entities.
Side note – a great coach (and a great anyone supporting you) will notice this in you quickly, and be able to first advise whether they help apples or cars – helping you quickly know if they’re the right coach / person. Second, they may also be able to say that they help both, and how they would help you differently to the apple/car you’re not.
So if you’re another unique coach – I salute you friend. It’s not easy to be one!
Whether you know it or not, you’re developing your style, system, message and business in a way that no-one else could ever do it.
Whilst you may feel this conflicts with a more ‘normal’ process of growth and outcomes, you’re going to get there in your own sweet time, truly listening to the right people and processes that you need.
Just make sure you DO listen when they’re there, OK
From a fellow chaotic-minded yet calm and focused coach,
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